10 Expert tips for parenting your Pre-teen

Parenting Advice for Pre-teens

Does your child suddenly not willing to share the secrets?

Do your child change physically, emotionally and socially?

Yes, your child between the age of nine to twelve are willing to sit on our laps and share their secrets. But no more sharing and suddenly nothing to do with us. You as a parent need to respect his change physically, emotionally and socially.

Here are some experts providing tips to help to keep yourself open with your child and have smoother communication and transition in their teen years.


  1. Understand their New-found independence and Don’t feel rejected

The kids at this age start to turn away from their parents and relying more and more on friends, but parents consider this change as their rejection from their kids.  Don’t feel rejected and understand and embrace your kids changes and their new found independence.

  1. Schedule time with your child

I know its tough job to make your pre teens to be open with you. Laura Kirmayer a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute, suggests having a scheduled and special period of one-on-one time once or twice a week with your kids, will provide them the attention they need. By doing this, you will improve your relationship with your pre teens and teach them interpersonal skills. “That quality time is really key,” Dr. Kirmayer says.

  1. The good way is Indirect approach

Try with indirect questions rather than directly questioning them as it may not work and may back fire you. Just sit back and listen to them and that helps the kids to share more information with you. That helps the kids understand that this is the place where they can share and talk openly and you please don’t try to step in and solve their problems. You might need to empathize what they are going through.

4. Over judgment is not good

The Preteens watch carefully on your talk about other people’s children, dresses, manners and they are watching you whether you are judgmental or harsh or critical. So, don’t be overly judgmental and provide comments which will harm your pre teens, because the intensity of your judgment is what backfires.


  1. Watch what your child wants to watch

Watch the stuff that your child wants to watch and enjoy and laugh at it along with them which helps to stay connected with them and able to discuss the topics. As parents, we need to help both boys and girls recognize the gender code—and tell kids what it “means” to be a boy or a girl—and to help them identify something crossing the line from teasing to mean. But keep it light and humor.

  1. Don’t stay away from the conversations about sex and drugs.

kids experiment with drugs and alcohol as early as 8 or 9. Start the conversation about sex and drugs which helps your preteens understand the basics and always be open to them in such a way that they come to you for any questions they might have on sex and drugs.

  1. Don’t Exaggerate. 

Parents in bad situations make things worse. When a kid comes with a situation, don’t over react for EX: “Oh man, you were not invited? That’s unfair!! And horrible”. This kind of over reaction makes the kids upset

  1. Don’t just ignore stuff

On the other extreme, there are parents who just ignores stuff, says Dr. Steiner-Adair. Don’t be a clueless parent. For EX: I know that the kids are having alcohol at their party and I don’t care”. This ignoring attitude might not help you to stay in good relationship with your kids.

  1. Allow girls to take part in sports

Girls’ self-dignity peaks at the age of 9 and then drops off from there, but research says that the girls who play on sports teams have higher self-esteem. Encourage sports for girls as they do better academically and have few healthy issues.

  1. Cherish your boy’s emotional side.

Boys always say that anything to do with feelings, love, sadness, vulnerability—is girly, and consider it to be bad. Let them know that having a girlfriend during teen age is normal and serve hi really well.

Identifying the right balance between your tween might not be the easiest parenting job you’ve ever had. It might take some trial and error, but keeping the way of communication open during these years is worth the work you’ll have to put in.

You should develop trust with pre-teens that you can offer them a safe place for them to come back to you no matter what happens in the new world, and in doing so you’ll also be setting the right stage for a smoother adolescence transition.

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